I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
