I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
