I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
