apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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