this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
