Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
