So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
