hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
