i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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