Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
