and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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