What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if only i could text you this smell
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
