I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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