my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
