Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
