I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
