I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
