How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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