Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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