there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
