I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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