Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
