whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
