Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
