There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
