remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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