3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
