I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
