I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
