I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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