so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
