The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
