Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
