You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
