some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
