You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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