I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
