I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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