There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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