you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
