There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
