You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
