I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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