turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
