haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
