Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
