I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
