I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
