Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
