that's an acceptable place to lick
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
