he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
