I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
